Some of the most important parenting jobs are to teach our children boundaries and how to make good decisions. We need to teach them the skills to be on their own in the world, because they will grow up, it’s inevitable.
Rules and boundaries are most often confusing for kids living in two households because the rules seem to change at each home. Divorce complicates life for teenagers immensely.
Most adults have unique styles of raising kids, usually based upon how we were raised. It may depend on whether our parents were strict, or carefree and who was in charge at our household, Mom or Dad, or both. Most teenagers are groping with their own identity and trying to adjust to life as a teenager, expectations are higher from parents and peers and there may be new responsibilities. With a divorce in your family, imagine having to adjust to different rules each week or every few days. How tough would it be to try to please both parents when you can’t remember what is expected? Some people bring in a step parent or girlfriend/boyfriend. No wonder our kids are confused.
Remember, your job as a parent needs to be at the forefront even when you are going through a divorce and may be suffering emotionally. The kids still need you at your best and as a role model.
Give your kids a break. Work toward a consistent plan between both homes if you are co-parenting. The children will be better behaved and able to understand what is expected with consistent rules and boundaries around bedtime, video and tv time schedules and content, homework, chores, etc. I never allowed M game videos at my house and yet, they were allowed at the other household. It became a never ending discussion and my teen was certainly confused. How to handle this is to just remind kids of the rules at your house. I made a chart that stated what behaviors were acceptable in my home and what the consequences were if these foundational issues were ignored. Each kid knew where the chart was and if there was a discussion, it could be used to clarify the rules.
As kids become teens, they will go to work. At work, it is a whole new world for them with yet another set of rules. Shortly after he started, my teenage son came home from his job at the local hamburger joint and said he got yelled at. He was a little shocked. I inquired for more details and he said it was because he was taking too long to clear the tables. He corrected his busing style and sped up his work right away. I was happy he knew the principle of doing a good job and completing his chores.
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