Did you ever have a project that you worked on and it got over half way done and then you got stuck? Usually the feeling of overwhelm creeps in and then procrastination seems to rule. This is what happened to me.
I decided to tackle the area under two huge pine trees and make it into a garden with hostas and other perennials. I transplanted hostas from the backyard and even my green thumb neighbors donated plants for my new plot. I worked diligently for two weeks. First, I had to prepare the soil and get rid of all the weeds.Then I planted and watered. I checked every day on the progress, watering and nurturing so that several of the flowers bloomed. Just looking at the garden gave me a real sense of progress and completion.
Then….I got busy. I ignored the garden, it got really hot and almost a month went by. Now, when I walked by, it was growing weeds between the flowers. You see, I hadn’t completed the job. I needed to lay down landscape cloth and finish with mulch. Now today, there was more weeds than plants. I had to begin again, not to pick up where I left off, but go back to nearly the beginning. It took 3 hours and this time I’ll get the job complete.
Your divorce could be going just like this project, you think you are almost there, you admire the results, you’re feeling some relief, it’s almost done. And then…something shifts, the terms change, there isn’t as much money as you thought, the court date is set for four months out, mediation stalls, there is a request for papers that aren’t easy for you to find, etc. This is all normal and part of divorce. Sometimes, I got so discouraged in preparing for court, getting the papers almost together and then facing some big obstacle. The more I procrastinated the more I was upset and feeling anxious. It happened just like the garden. When I picked up the papers again to try to prepare for court, I had to work twice as hard to figure out where I left off.
It’s a decision to get complete. Today, I decided about the garden, yet, this decision needs to carry forward into several more steps until the mulch is in place (before there are new weeds). Same in divorce, if you decide to complete something, then go all the way and truly get it complete.
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