When a family is split through divorce many pressures hit home.
I feel your pain…
For the couple this could include how to communicate during the breakup, splitting finances and added expenses, who is responsible for what, living arrangements, third party involvement, emotional upheaval, addictions and unruly children who are confused. The divorce is occurring because you already had issues and now you are expected to have the skills to solve even harder troubles. Often, overwhelm sets in and even depression.
A way out of the confusion.
The best way to navigate this stage is to communicate well. Always keep the lines of communication open to your soon to be ex and your children.
Open communication brings Real Freedom.
- Explain clearly your feelings and beliefs
- Be objective
- Respect each person’s point of view
- Use self discipline and stick to solutions, no blaming
- Address each problem with a positive attitude
- Actively listen
LeAnn Riley,
I was told about your site. How you have helped people get through the Big D or like you say the divorce boat. It is very hard for the other party to get through the blaming. Like he had nothing to do with why I was leaving. I decided that my marriage was not healthy for me or the relationship. I had become co- dependent and my way or the hwy way. Kind of old thinking in a way. The ego plays a large part on relationships. I decided in 2009 that I would make the move to change. Moved from the area I grew up in and headed north. Now it has been 2 years. The divorce is finally. It has been truly rough waters in many ways. The depths of emotions have taken a toll on the my relationship with my adult children. The have taken his side and only have supported him through the separation. I know where they are coming from. The adult daughters have expressed they thought the stability of our marriage is what they could hang on to. Now that is gone. They just don’t know how to feel about me divorcing their dad. I have worked hard to keep the communication open. Let them know I will always be their mom. It has not been easy.
My realtionship for my children is still strong. I am taking one day @ time. Little steps to recovery. Slow going. I know in some way it will be better some day. The children all seem to think I have lots of money to. They keep expecting me to buy things for them. I know they have gotten a different story from someone. Divorce is not cheap. The lost of a income is a burden. I like what you have on your site.
Thanks for the encouragement and looking ahead to a new life.
JD North
The breakup of a marriage is tough. It takes two to tango and it takes two to tangle. Each party has a unique and different story from their own perspective. Real Freedom comes when you let go of the story and “drop the charges”. When you focus on rebuilding and reclaiming your own life, it is easier to move forward. Sounds like you are healing and kudos to discovering your codependency issues. What a great step forward as you find your own path!
Thanks for sharing that even adult children are deeply affected. They count on their parents to be the role models. Divorce is confusing to all family members. The family now has new boundaries and there are uncomfortable times like graduation, weddings, etc. Over time, people adjust, even in the worst of situations. Always work toward peace for yourself and you will be able to pass that on to your children.